HELLOOOOO
i have a little something something i need to tell/ask/just talk about.
I hung out with my friends today and we tried clothes and had a great time. I tried on a lot- and i mean a lot. One thing i thought about is that i liked how everything (kind of) looked on me- i liked my body. This is a first let me tell you! The sad part of all this is that i couldn't admit it to myself- i couldn't let myself think that damn this looks good, damn this shows of the things you want to show- and things like that. I want to believe that the reason for that is that in this time and age we see that if you love yourself and like the way you look you're this person who think that she/he is the shit and that's not good because god knows it's wrong to like your body for what it is!
Everywhere you hear people talking about what they want to change and how they wished they looked- how often do you here "i like myself for who i am and how i look"? not too often- not in my case anyway. I think that it's a big part of why i couldn't say out load to my friends that i liked how i looked, i liked my legs, my butt, my belly my everything! Let's focus on the weight thing for a bit- i've lost a lot of weight and that i know, i'm VERY proud of myself and when i look back at how i looked and how bad i felt it gets to me that it's not how i look anymore. I THINK the big WOAH moment was when i went to the doctors (not really a doctor but whatever) and she told my that i'm not overweight- my BMI thing is good. I became super happy because last time i went and got it checked up they told me that i was overweight. I think back to the times when i stood on the scale (spells?) and i saw the numbers and it was a lot- i did this at my sisters house last week and once again- it's nowhere near the same number as before. I might sounds like i'm bragging (??) about it because i know it's hard to lose weight but i'm just very happy about myself right now, i'm proud of what i've done and i can't wait to see how much more i can change my body and how much more i can like how i look.
One big reason why i wanted to lose weight was because of my vitiligo- i wanted to like my body and i wanted to make it look bomb as shit (that's a new saying) so other people could like it and not think about the fact that i've got white spots. Now i think back at that time and it's just stupid. I wanted to lose weight so others could like me, that's not how things should be. This was not the main reason why i started working out but still, it's wrong. i now like my body more than i did before- i want to show off my skin in a way. I still have to work a lot on the vitiligo thing but to be honest- i don't hate it as much as i did a few years-a few months ago- as i do now. i'm not scared to show others and i'm not scared to admit to myself that this is something i'm going to live with, why not show it off and be proud of it? Why not be unique? that's what i'm going to work on in 2016. I will have up and downs and i will be happy about it one day and sad the next day (i think). 2015 changed a lot- even the way i look on the thing that i thought would eat me alive (deep shit).
i'm very happy right now.
i have a little something something i need to tell/ask/just talk about.
I hung out with my friends today and we tried clothes and had a great time. I tried on a lot- and i mean a lot. One thing i thought about is that i liked how everything (kind of) looked on me- i liked my body. This is a first let me tell you! The sad part of all this is that i couldn't admit it to myself- i couldn't let myself think that damn this looks good, damn this shows of the things you want to show- and things like that. I want to believe that the reason for that is that in this time and age we see that if you love yourself and like the way you look you're this person who think that she/he is the shit and that's not good because god knows it's wrong to like your body for what it is!
Everywhere you hear people talking about what they want to change and how they wished they looked- how often do you here "i like myself for who i am and how i look"? not too often- not in my case anyway. I think that it's a big part of why i couldn't say out load to my friends that i liked how i looked, i liked my legs, my butt, my belly my everything! Let's focus on the weight thing for a bit- i've lost a lot of weight and that i know, i'm VERY proud of myself and when i look back at how i looked and how bad i felt it gets to me that it's not how i look anymore. I THINK the big WOAH moment was when i went to the doctors (not really a doctor but whatever) and she told my that i'm not overweight- my BMI thing is good. I became super happy because last time i went and got it checked up they told me that i was overweight. I think back to the times when i stood on the scale (spells?) and i saw the numbers and it was a lot- i did this at my sisters house last week and once again- it's nowhere near the same number as before. I might sounds like i'm bragging (??) about it because i know it's hard to lose weight but i'm just very happy about myself right now, i'm proud of what i've done and i can't wait to see how much more i can change my body and how much more i can like how i look.
One big reason why i wanted to lose weight was because of my vitiligo- i wanted to like my body and i wanted to make it look bomb as shit (that's a new saying) so other people could like it and not think about the fact that i've got white spots. Now i think back at that time and it's just stupid. I wanted to lose weight so others could like me, that's not how things should be. This was not the main reason why i started working out but still, it's wrong. i now like my body more than i did before- i want to show off my skin in a way. I still have to work a lot on the vitiligo thing but to be honest- i don't hate it as much as i did a few years-a few months ago- as i do now. i'm not scared to show others and i'm not scared to admit to myself that this is something i'm going to live with, why not show it off and be proud of it? Why not be unique? that's what i'm going to work on in 2016. I will have up and downs and i will be happy about it one day and sad the next day (i think). 2015 changed a lot- even the way i look on the thing that i thought would eat me alive (deep shit).
i'm very happy right now.