well well well... .hello guys! i am so so so sorry for not writing anything! Life got in the way and soooo much went down. i'll make a blog post about what i've done when i get the time, i just wanted to jump in and let you all know that i'm planing to start this blog again. I will also read my last few posts so i know where i left you, i think i left you all when i started the whole running thing? well that worked out great, for the time i did it i got a nice body and i could run more than before. The bad side was that i hurt myself for different reasons and the friend of mine who gave me how to run and me are not friends anymore. I go to the gym every now and then BUT i've started something called PIIT28 by blogilates and i love it! i'm already on 2.0 after doing 2 rounds of piit28 1.0. it makes me strong and it makes me fit, i'll also do a post about what piit is and how you do it. I'm about to go to work now but i just wanted to jump in and let you all know that eva is coming back! I also wanted to show you all how my progress is now, thanks to PIIT! i'll see you guys soon, i promise. look how strong i look! Also here you can see my vitiligo :)
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Hello! It's been a while, i've wanted to write about things and i've wanted to explain other things but i felt like it was for the best to leave it alone and not write anything, i'm going to write about my fitness now instead!
You know what i've started to do? Run! yes, you heard me- i'm running. It's fun. Why am i doing this? i want to get faster and i want to be able to walk up a lot of stairs fast without dying, so running is the best way to change that! This is a challenge for me, i think that's what's making it fun for me. I have to prove both to me and my friend who gives me how i should run that i can do this, my mind is stronger than my legs and so on. I like it, i love how every time i'm done with my run i notice that i could go faster or how i'm doing something right and not wrong like how i run. How do i run? In numbers my running look like this now: 1x12 2 min that means that i run for one minute, then i walk for 2 minutes, then i run again and do this 12 times. Last week i ran 1x10 and in the future i think the plan is that i'm going to run 2x10. How is it going? Great, i feel different after every time, i had a talk with the person who helps me with this and i need to not run the hardest i can but i need to run in a paste where i can last for the whole minute and recover fast during the 2 min i walk. i want to run a marathon in the future! or something, just to test myself. How often? 3 times a week, i'll run more later but right now if i did that i'd hurt myself, we don't want that. I burn around 300 cal every run and that feels great! i never really care about the numbers of the cals i lose but it was a fun thing to check. Other than that i do my pilates and my dancecardio videos! everything is going great and i love it, i will write something better later, now i have to go do my pilates! I've been thinking a lot and everytime i say this it's something bad, but now it's not- it's something i don't understand how i could forget.
I've been working out for 3 years, i've changed my body a lot and i've done a lot to get where i am. In the start it was easy, i lost a lot fast and i got so happy, so so happy! Then things in my life happened, i wasn't the most happiest person at this time and place. This made me workout more, also i started to sleep more. What i did here was sleeping,sleeping, sleeping, working out, sleeping. I didn't really eat as i should have been doing and i think we all can see where this was going. I remember how people in my family had to drag me out of the bed and watch me eat. I remember everyone having "the talk" about how you can get sick by doing this, i remember my mom being worried. It's not like i didn't want to eat and i did eat, i remember it like i was eating but my body told me something else. I started to become really dizzy, i was close to passing out so many times, i couldn't go on trips with my family because i would pass out. I also didn't have a restday at this point, i worked out too much. The dizzy thing was my body telling me to stop with everything i was doing. I'm not saying that i was sick, i'm saying that i did something stupid without even knowing. I don't remember how i got out of it, i think if i remember it somewhat right it was that i woke up early, i ate 3 times a day and i didn't workout for some time. I also started to talk about my problems and i know that sometimes it feels like nothing will help, nothing will make whatever you are going through wend, it will AND if you talk about it, it might go faster. The thing i'm working on now is to understand that i don't look like i did 3 years ago, i'm getting better! I notice that i'm getting stronger! this makes me so happy :D i'll write more soon, love you! Have you ever done something or something happen to you so one thing just clicked? i know that it doesn't make any sense of what i'm trying to say but i'm going to try to tell you in the best way i can. We live our life the way we want to- or how we have to. I guess we all live and do the things we have to do but i do know our bodies and our life is made for something and we all do things naturally because our bodies are made that way and we grow up to just do these things- same thing with feelings. It comes naturally for us to like people, to like some things we do and things like that. What i'm trying to talk about has nothing to do with this, i'm just trying to put it in the right way, If you've been doing something for some time- are you doing this thing because you like it or because you've done it and now you just think you like how things are because you've been doing this for some time? Or will it just stop one day? Will you one day just say no i don't want to do this, no i don't like this? If so- how will you react? will you get hurt or will you hurt someone? of if we take it the other way around, what if you do something with someone or whatever and you get bored after a while, you want more. What will happen? what will you do? The feeling of wanting more is not a feeling i like, if you have something that work greats and it's fine, why ruin it? To be honest i don't think about this until it hits me right across the face. If you do something and you like it this thing, this feeling, is new.That's a feeling i like. Then you go back to the same old same old and you now see how you want more than just that one thing, what will you do about it? This goes for everyone and almost everything- if you've had a taste of something more and "better" then you'll have a hard time going back. I think my friends will know exact what i'm talking about here so i just want to say that its not about that thing itself, this is bigger than what is going on, i'm not hurt, nobody is hurt here. I just saw something about what i can have and what i have, how i want it to be and how it is. I want to talk to someone about it but i'm not too sure people want to listen because we all live our life the way we want to and we do the things we want to and we think the way we want to. okaay that sounds wrong, i know my friends would listen but i really want them to understand that way i mean it and the way i see it. Do i regret doing the thing that made me see how it can be? a little, but i loved that feeling, i loved being in that moment and i want more of it, i want a lot more of it. I regret thinking the way i did today, in a way. I right now kind of get the things i want from the two different things,i'm not super happy about it because i now know what "more" feels like but i'll work with it, do my best. The thing i think scared today is that it got to me that in the matter of time- i'm going to have nothing of this, and i don't want that at all- i'm scared. I am going to feel hurt and i'm going to feel alone. I think that i'm scared because this is just one more thing when people leave you, and i don't like it. I'm going to try to talk to my friends about it so i can fix my thinking, until then i'll do my best with what i got. i just need to add that i'm still in a good mood, i had a downer last time i wrote but i'm on top of the world guys! a weird stretch but my body looks good sooooo yolo
I wanted to talk about something i've been thinking about a lot lately. I talked about how i started to like my body and my vitiligo and everything a few months ago, and i didn't lie. I felt happy about the way i looked and i was confident about my spots, i liked them, i liked being unique. this awesome feeling comes and goes, i guess it takes a long time to learn to love yourself and love what you got going on, what i'm trying to say is that i had a bit of a step back i guess. I still feel happy about my body but it's not like the other month. I compare myself to people that are nothing like me, noone is like me so why should i compare me and what i got to what they have? why should i feel like what i got is bad because they have something "better"? Maybe that thing isn't better but i see it as better because i don't have it, you feel me? I think a lot of people want everything they can't have. I know that my life would be so much easier if i could just accept how i look and just rock it, i know that being confident makes a lot of different, it doesn't matter how you look, if you're confident with who you are everyone else is going to see it. But when i think about it, should it matter? should it matter how you look? Why do people judge you on the way you look before they get to know you? i do this, i know i do. I think we live in the time and place where if you don't look like the "perfect" girl or boy then you're ugly, like, oh you have a little bit more fat on your body? that's wrong, oh you have scars? that's wrong. oh you're skinny? that is also wrong! this could go on forever, i know that i've been thinking that "if i was skinny, everything would be better, people would like me, boys would love me, i would love me" and i'm very sad to admit that. One thing i've notice is that if you're not happy when you start losing weight, you're not going to feel any better when you've lost it. Like i've lost the weight but the thoughts are still there. I still see my skinnier friends having everything i want and feeling like if i just lose a little bit more, if i get a banging body then i'll be happy. I know that it's not the case, i also don't want to be super skinny, i want to have curves, boobs, butt and maybe even a little bit of a belly? i want to have a skinny waist but not too skinny, i don't want to get to the point where you can see my bones because that's not what i want at all, you know. Give a dog a bone and he'll be happy- give a dog a bone with meat on it and you'll have a much happier dog. that can be seen as rude because 1; i'm saying that skinny girls are not right, it's not like that though, i said this to feel good about myself, if i sit and think about skinny is better i'll have a bigger step back, the first thing i need to change is my mind. 2; i called boys (or girls??) dogs, i am sorry you're not a dog. One more thing about weight: one thing i need to accept is that i'm not fat, i need to stop telling myself that i am, this just got to me-while writing this. If i keep saying that i'm fat and that i'm huge and that i look like i did before- i'm going to believe it more and more, i'm going to hurt myself both mentally and my body doing everythign i can to get "skinny". i need to stop looking at my body then at my friends who are smaller, that's their bodies and this is mine, i'm not fat and i might not be super skinny, but i really just need to understand how i look, somehow. Now to the whole vitiligo thing, i'm scared people- boys to be exakt, will judge me on how i look, i don't know how i would take it if a boy saw me without you know, things to cover me up, and said something about it, that would hurt me so bad. i've been lucky, i haven't gotten anything like that, i've gotten more that they think it's "unique and sexy" but it still scares me. If i meet someone new and i know where it's leading i'm super scared. i have to explain everything and this makes me not wanting to do something once with someone and not care anymore, i mean it's kind of good- i don't want to be a slut hahah (not saying that you're a slut if you hook up a lot, whatever floats your boat) but i feel like i want to talk to someone about it, but noone will understand how it is. A lot of people go out to meet people, to have fun and who knows? maybe get a litte somethin' somethin' ;) but if i did that, i'd had to explain it and what if i forgot it? what would he say? as i said, that would hurt so much. *i'm not saying i'm like omg i want sex, it's more just thinking about it, not even about the whole sex thing, it's about people seeing my body without anything covering it up* this was good, i feel good. i need to write more things like this! i'll see you guys later :) i will make a post about this soon:
i'm so proud. Hello! do you know how this whole writing thing go for me? i start of with the title then it can go HOURS before i write the rest, heheh.
Here i am! i've been talking a lot of fitness because it's something i've been really into! Today i want to talk about a few different things. When i stared to workout it was because of my vitligo- i wanted to like my body because this thing on my skin didn't let me do it. Now it's not like that, not at all! I like my vitiligo more and more! I also workout now to become stronger, i no longer want to be "skinny". I want to be tonned and strong! i've notice my belly area becoming more and more tonned, i love it! It makes me go super hard. I work out in the middle of the day now and i'm a bit scared about how it's all going to go when school starts next week, i'm going to be so tired! will this stop me? no! i'll drink some coffee before my workout and KILL it! there is no reason to bitch about how you're too tired or how it's too cold, if you want your body to change you gotta do what it takes. I feel like you need something to motivate you, whatever it is for you. Before i guess my inspiration before was looking at qoutes and things like that, now it's other people. When people tell me that i "inspire" them it's like a huge kick in the butt. I now have people looking at me for motivation, they look at me so they can get the will to workout. I now have to give them something to get motivated with, you know? i now have to work extra hard and i love it. It's not something i ever thought i'd have people telling me, that i inspire them. I'm going away for a few days and this is really fucking up my pilates :( i didn't take a rest day this week and right away my shoulder started to hurt, take your restdays guys!!! I'm going to my sister and i'm going to the gym with them on monday so i'll have to take my restday tomorrow, i'm going to miss a few pilates day but i think it will work out great in the end, i can use some heavy-ish weights at the gym and go hard! it will be fun :) Hello! Today i saw something that really made me happy- i saw how much i've changed! It's easy to go around saying that you've lost this much and so on and it's easy to talk about, the hard part for me is to see and understand that i've changed, i don't know why. This day started out with me taking a picture of my belly with a thing on my belly button because a friend of mine wanted to see how it looked if i ever got it pierced. I saw the pictures and i really really liked them, i later put them next to the pictures i took 3 years ago and i can not believe that it's the same body! it's sounds like i'm braging and i hate that, but i'm just so happy. I think back and i don't really remember me looking that way. I think that's because i never really understood that i don't look like that anymore so like now, when i see a big change, i get super happy. This also makes me want to keep going! If i've done this well so far how much can't i do in the future?? i can only do better! This year i'm going to take pictures of my body every week (on sundays) so i can see how my body changes, this will motivate me to keep going, doing that extra burpee or extra crunch, just to see the different. I'm not going to compare pictures until like half way or something, i'm excited!
I also know that it's been about 3 years, it takes time. It's not like you go to bed and wake up the next day with abs- no. I think most people give up because it takes a long time, the first week goes on by super great and then things get hard and they give up. I've given up a lot of times let me tell you! it's not easy, i hate when people say that it's easy- even though i'm most likey one of them. It's not easy moving your body and doing things that hurt (in a good way) everyday, it's not easy to work up sweat. I remember when i first started that i didn't think i needed to do cardio- when i later understood that i had to sweat to lose fat it put a bumper on me! i didn't like the idea, i tried to do cardio but i just didn't like it. I've done cardio and so on but i never liked it until now! Now i do dance videos and i love it, or i go super hard and DRIP in sweat, i like that too. I like feeling the burn, the sweat, and the feeling of being sore! My abs are killing me as we speak. I also remember eating chips every night- i'm not kidding! i ate so much of that omg. Now i kind of never do it, when i do my belly goes bad on me (STILL LOVE IT THO, it's worth it) and i NEVER drank water! i believe that you don't have to change your diet that much, yes cut off the bad but do you need to go on a diet where you only can eat so and so much? no! Listen to your body, it will tell you everything you need to know. One thing i wished i thought of before is how good it feels just to go on walks, to relax from the internet and just breathe, i go for walks now and i love it. Sometimes i go fast but other times i just walk in a slow paste- this is cardio believe it or not. Everything that gets your heart pumping is cardio so when you ar thinking about that someone you like- it's cardio! it really keeps me going seeing myself 3 years ago, i don't know how but i like it, i get excited and i want to work out, i'm always looking forward to my workouts but i get that little extra that pushes me hard! i love it sosososo much!!! THE FIRST DAY OF A WHOLE NEW YEAR!
What did i do in 2015? here's a little list, i might forget things but eh:
this list sucks but it just got to me that i don't really know when 2015 started,i mean, i'm not sure i did all of the things i'm thinking about in 2015 haha. The thing i wanted to talk about now is that i wore a new years eve dress and i felt so good about myself. I kind of feel bad for thinking i look good in it and i don't know why, it's annoying. This gave me hopes about doing monthly goals! I'm starting the year of with a goal to do the splits and become more flexible! i'm not sure i'll be able to do the splits on the last day of this month but i'll be more flexible that's for sure! i have a lot of things to write about and i'll do it soon! bye lovies Hello guys! Can you believe that it's almost 2016? like next week? It's hard for me to understand! I didn't even have any kind of "christmas" feeling this year, that's pretty sad. I think it is because 1; i'm growing up and it's sad but christmas is not as it was when you were 5. 2: we had no snow! I don't really like snow all that much but i do have to admit that it makes the whole thing feel more christmasy!
Going into the new year i have a few goals i want to reach. I think we all do have something we want to do before 2016. For some people it might be to lose or to gain weight, maybe fall inlove or learn a new thing? Most people i think say something along the lines; "i'm going to workout". They do, most of them. I know they might not keep doing it but for the first two weeks; they are doing it! I'm not going to sit here and say that i don't have one of those things as my goals because i do. The thing is, i've already started. If you want to be exact then yes i started 3 years ago BUT what i mean here; i started to really go all in. I started doing that about a month ago when i tried on the dress i wanted to wear on new years eve. I saw how my belly kind of stood out and i didn't really feel super good about it. I wanted to make a change and the one thing i needed to do was to go harder, and i have! I do some kind of cardio everyday and i do my pilates super good, i don't give up. I didn't like cardio at all before, i can't say that i love it now but i'm getting there. I found out about a youtuber who post danceworkouts! THIS is my cardio and let me tell you- even though i can't dance for SHIT, i'm always sweating and my heartbeat is up! Lately i've also started to like long powerwalks! i don't know why but when you get home you get this feeling of yes i did something good and your whole body feels amazing. I went for a walk today and it ended up being so much longer than i had thought it would be! I didn't want to turn around and go home, i wanted to keep going. I walked fast and i was alone with music in my ears. I don't know if you've had one of those moments when you look around and you wish your eyes could take a picture? I thought everything looked amazing, maybe because i felt that way? it was cold but i got my heart pumping and i didn't feel it and it was so amazing! Right now i'm planing what my dance videos will be for 3 weeks and i'm planing when i'm going to go on walks. I love to plan this things and write them down, if i do that there is a bigger chance that i'll do it foreal! I didn't want to stop doing this after new years so i sat down to plan the rest, i love doing new things to my body and there is a lot of things i want to try! we'll see (and i do hope) i get to try some in 2016! I'm now going to sleep! i'll see you all later! So, i need to write about a lot of things so just come with me and explore my mind, that's always fun! One thing i've notice; the whole "loving your body" is a fun thing to do. You care less about what people think of you because why care? i know it's easy to say but something else to do. I went out with my friends the other day and i wore a shirt that showed off my belly and my back and i wasn't scared that people would be like "ew". I felt good, i felt like it looked good on me. I'm also happier now and evey time time i think about how far i've come i get happier. I've worked out so good the last week and i love it! As i said before i worked out so others could like me or how i did it for me to like myself and not think about the spots and so on, why do i work out now? Well 1: if i don't do it i don't feel good. 2: i get so happy by doing it. 3:i want to inspire people. 4: i want to look sexy as fuck naked. 5: when you see how your body is changing and you hear how people tell you that it's a big change; it gets addicting, like i want to keep going. 'm going on the long ass walk tomorrow and i'm going to swim! Also i'm going to do pilates at night, really get in there and shred for the newyears dress i want to have on! i want the little belly fluff to go away! Best way to do that is cardio and ab things! i will show before and after pictures of it, i will post it even tho i fail because that's just a part of life! now i want to talk about people, or to be clear; one person. if people think they can treat you like whatever they want you to be, show them that you're far from the thing they want you to be. This is something i'm doing right now. I'm not going to sit around waiting for this person to hit me up and only wanting one thing- no. I'm not someone who will do whatever it takes to please you, i go after my own rules, do i want to go over there? if no; i say no. if yes; i go. It's that easy. I also think saying no is something that might be annoying for the other person, like this person thought that they had me around their little finger but to be honest, they don't. I'm very clear with that now. I'm not a side chick, i'm not someone you can call up when you're bored, i'm not. I'll show you who makes the rules and i'll show you that i'm nothing like you think. It bugs me to think that people see other people as someone or something they can hit up when they are feeling bored or something, we all are people and we're not a toy. We're not something you play with and the put down to go play with this other toy. This is super weird but as i've said before, my brain is a weird thing. I feel more happy with myself now and i can not wait for what 2016 will bring me! I'll work even more on myself and we can go nowhere but up baby! the before pics of me in the dress!
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EvaHEY! this is a blog about vitiligo and fitness. A lot of people don't know about vitiligo and they once who do, like me, maybe wants so know more about it and read/talk to people who have it? that's my goal. i'll write about fitness too because i work out and i love it. i will write a lot about how i feel and think about vitiligo, some post will be sad. but i hope you like it anyway! Categories |